It's a cold, dreary, snowy day today and i'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm not un-happy, just not happy either. I'm no longer searching for a partner. As much as I love cuddling, and as sad as I am every night when I have to go to bed alone, it's still better than the constant let down i've felt time and time again. I'll cope with the lonliness, maybe I'll even embrace it sometime. At this point I just want the Holidays to come and go and to get back to everyday life. The Holidays are meant to be special, but this year everyone's claws are out, and i'm just finished with the drama. I have lots to look forward to this year, and I'm excited about all the "firsts" that are happening this year. Lots of new experiences, and lots of new beginnings. I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open, and i'm sure this blog will be full of typos, but who cares.
Today i'm going to attempt to make my own ice cream. I've never tried it before, and it should be fun. I'm just going to chill out, eat my homemade ice cream, and watch some movies alone. I'll probably get fat- I don't care. I'll probably remain single- I don't care. And i'll probably get more nasty emails from people with nothing better to do- which I won't be reading.
So all-in-all i'm at a decent place in my life right now. I'm learning, by myself, to accept who I am and to embrace it. I know i've helped many people in my life, and I also know that i'm not a bad person. I can't help having mental illness. I didn't ask for it. At least i'm adult enough to own up to it, and to seek help. I know others who haven't got there yet.
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